I'm outta here Xmas Horoscopes

[Gypsy]

Back to civilisation for 2 weeks.

Uncle Gypsy says; "Have fun kids, wrap up nice and warm, drink far too much, eat too much, and enjoy your friends and relatives."

I will leave you with a couple of horoscopes:

Pisces
18 February – 20 March
Mercury falling just means it’s getting cold, it is Saturn in your Sun House you have to worry about. Is the dough-ball still haunting you? Do those chocolates look tempting? Is ice hot? Can Crosby sing?.
Lucky Washing Machine: Zanussi
Lucky Xmas TV Program: Where Eagles Dare

Cancer
22 June – 22 July
Capricorn leaving your birth-sign means you were well advised to give up the dancing lessons, but your life will be emptier until the 6th. Whipped cream and honey figures strongly thereafter. Mercury in ascendant in your Moon means you must be wary of one-armed taxi drivers on the 3rd.
Lucky Bird: Turkey (for you obviously, not the bird)
Lucky Xmas Present: Batteries.

[Miracle77777]

And why exactly these signs?

And where is my?

[Gypsy]

Just for Miracle:

Aquarius
20 January – 18 February
Mercury will disrupt travel this weekend, so please remember to take your best hiking boots. Music, dancing and friends will play an important role in the next week so enjoy them all.
Lucky Footballer: Rory Delap
Lucky Cardigan: Grey Marks and Spencers